Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
