You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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