Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
