the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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