Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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