dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
