I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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