New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
