is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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