he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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