you would pick up someone in the library
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
