im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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