im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
