did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
