in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
