I will die if light touches me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize