Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize