Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize