also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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