I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
