In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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