haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
