weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
