I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
