u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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