I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
