Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
