First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
