shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
