oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
