It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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