Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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