a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
