It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
