But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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