apparently the secret to your success is patron
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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