I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
