we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
