you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
