Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
