i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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