Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
