he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
