Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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