I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
