Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
