Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize