A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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