I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
