but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
