Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
