I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
