Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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