toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
