thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
