I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
