chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have demons in me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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