The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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