you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.