omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.