I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
