Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions