also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.