I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken