I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize