Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
